“ New York Times, Feb. 9, 2016
I’m an adherent to the religion of Calceamentum. We have great faith in our shoe wear and we consider it very humiliating to be forced to take off our shoes in public.
Especially at airports this results in misunderstandings. Recently at an airport boarding gate, I was asked to take off my shoes. I was flabbergasted at the ignorance of the airport security officials. I noticed that they were also wearing shoes. But those shoes looked droopy and weary, lacking taste and were in desperate need of a good shining.
“I responded matter-of-factly (great word) that I won’t be taking off my shoes,” I said in an interview Monday afternoon from the airport. “And then they talked amongst themselves and they said, ‘O.K., then you are not getting on the flight.’ ”
“It is a symbol of my faith,” I said, explaining why I would not remove my shoes. “It is something that I wear whenever I am in public.”
The officials suggested I could instead take a taxi home and blow into my shoe horn.
I am also a social activist who has campaigned for greater awareness of the Calceamentum religion among people, i.e. upper class liberals, who pretend to care for social justice but nevertheless buy my „must have“ jewelry. (Who else can afford it?)
Calceamentum men wear shoes as a symbol of commitment to equality and social justice. Since we are a tolerant religion, women have no requirements in regards to clothing. They usually go shoe-less.
The Constitution guarantees Freedom of Religion. Therefore, the Holy Shoe Shiner (our shoe pope) has three requests:
a. profuse and continual public apologies from Budget Airlines
b. Calceamentum awareness training for airport security
c. Training on how to screen passengers with religious foot wear
Here is a short film showing the birth of the religion of Calceamentum.